请我坚信：是我的总归会是我的。无需强求也不要努力，他会自己历经千山万水来到你的身边。得到之后，请尽力珍惜。如果他跑了，那就不要追了，若是你的，总还是会回来的。

请我珍惜眼前的一切，我的家人，我的朋友，曾经爱过我的人，和我爱过的人，属于我的身体以及思绪，因为每一个人，每一样物件都会随时随刻离你而去，有些时候是半个地球的距离，有些时候是阴阳两界，有些时候则是那一句熟悉的，你坐在我对面，可是看上去却那样遥远。

永远只做自己喜欢做的事，喜欢自己喜欢的人，过自己喜欢的生活。只要于自己来说是对的，那么，于他人来说是错的，那又何干。

请放弃一些莫名其妙的，不坚定的爱意。做一个正直的人。若要伤心，那也要避免拖沓、冗长。要谈恋爱，那就要严肃一些，学术一些，长久一些。

请不要对每一个人都说对不起。为什么要和他说对不起，为什么要和他说对不起，为什么要和他，他，他，他还有他说对不起。

请为了养活自己，赚一些钱。

昨晚梦见了M，梦见他还在旅行（而事实上，他也的确在旅行）。我梦见他住在一个到处是沙子的地方，却不是沙漠，也不是海滩，却非常美，像仙境一般。我抓起一把沙子让它们慢慢地从指间漏到我的皮肤上，沙子细细的，软软的，在阳光底下闪闪发光。

他住在一间当地的民舍里，周围的邻居看上去十分和善。我是与我的父母一起去那个地方旅行的。邻居告诉我，明天有一个女孩要来。也许并不是邻居告诉我的，只是我原本就知道有一个与他关系暧昧的女孩子要来。我问他，明天那个女孩子来，你要见她吗？他支支吾吾说不出话。我又问，你要吗？他没说要。但我知道，他坚持要见。于是，我决定，明天一大早，从那个地方离开。

Please click for bigger pic

Xiaoxiao Yan (2010)

Dazibao in the 21st century

Dazibao: also named big-character poster, is a hand written poster widely used during the culture revolution in China during the 1960s and 1970s. It is “used for everything from sophisticated debate to satirical entertainment to rabid denunciation” (Wikipedia) Actually,  being attacked by the words in a big-character poster was enough to end one’s career, ruin her family, or even kill his life.

Xiaoxiao Yan

age: 23= 0
height:160+weight: 56kg=0
cup: 34C= +10
big eyes+dimples+nice face shape+nice hair= +20
bad skin condition= -10
always have nice and innocent smile= +15
always laugh aloud without manner= 0
likes french new wave and Japanese New Wave cinema+likes Leonard Cohen+seldom watch Korean Episode + don’t read love novels= -20
likes philosophy+likes showing off in front of men= -20
care about her looking= +20
go to dancing class+go to yugo class=+20
can very easily have a crush on someone= +15
likes discussing social issues in a high and excited voice just like a man= 0
falls in love easily= 0
bad in bed= -20
hate giving a blow job= -20
always trust a man= -20
will call a man in love with while haven’t received his call for a while= -20
Aris sign= -10
sometimes has crazy and impulsing thought and will tell the guy in love with= 0
likes editing a film more than acting= -10
likes writing blog and expose all those private to public=-10
has no idea of marriage=0
never save money=0
IQ>120+but never knows how to use it in a relationship= -10
a kind of knows how to dress= +15
wants to control everything+always think herself is cleverer than a guy=-20
has overwhelming strong sense of moral= -10

conclusion: rating for Xiaoxiao Yan= -145

Suddenly, I feel I don’t know how to write in Chinese any more. Is it because there’s nothing can be written in Chinese? There’s no rain during the spring in Can… 加拿大的春天没有如棉的细雨，English is too reasonable and too hard, when I am writing in English, 敲击键盘的力度也是要如一块块石子坠落到水泥地上一般。How can you feel the softness of the spring rain while it misting on your face? Mist? yes, that is what I feel. but, I’m I correct grammatically? May be you will say, when you are walking in the spring rain, you can feel your face is covered by cream. Do you know what I mean by Spring rain? People from st. catharines may not know. People from Vancouver knows, I guess. Have you ever tried walking in the mist of the Niagara Falls? That is spring rain. However, softer, warmer, humider, mistier, creamier the spring rain is. Humider? what is that? I can’t use “more humid” instead of “humider”. Can English be more flexible like Chinese, and allows me to use humider. Can I admit that “and”, and make it one sentence.

I learnt some new words. For example, realm means 领域。It is a useful word, but just so wired. It is a “real” + an “m”. It’s wired. “Wired” is also a new word I learnt recently. Now I can say, oh, that’s wired instead of oh, that’s strange, though I usually don’t use that word. Up to now nothing is very wired to me, most of the things are interesting. I’m serious.

Again, why I don’t write in Chinese. Chinese is a kind of language for people in love. It doesn’t have serious grammar. It doesn’t have does, do, did done, it just has “做”。And sometimes you put different words in the front of the sentence, so people can understand it as 做es, 做ing，做ed。We make the sentence wordy and longer, make the rhythm with light and slow beat, make the key high but soft, like an extremely thin line. Why should I say extremely thin? can’t I say a thin thin line, just as 细细的线。细细的，长长的，软软的，or just like my name, Xiaoxiao, how lovely. Sometimes, we won’t tell you any clue of time in the sentence. We just say he 做 or she 做。So, how can you know it is 做ing, 做es, or做ed– by guess… just like the words between livers… it makes you feel on the cloud, just like the lovers…

Oh, still, why, Why I can’t write in Chinese recently… Chinese is for recording love… for example, I will say, 或许我应该寻觅一些关于爱情的踪迹。我是否应该接受一些爱情，是否应该⋯⋯ yes, so, how do you say 寻觅 in English, this action contains a special duration and special emotion, and, and even the suspension points in Chinese is two times longer than it is in English…

By the way, I spellED weird in a wrong way…